Maybe it started with a video someone shared, or a friend's diagnosis, or your child's. Maybe you read one description of autism and had to set your phone down. Suddenly a lot of things made sense: the exhaustion after social plans, the way certain sounds or fabrics feel unbearable, the sense that everyone else got a rulebook you never received.
If you're quietly wondering "Could this be me?", you're not alone, and you're not being dramatic. Many adults come to this question later in life. We call it self-realizing, and at Taíno Counseling, we specialize in walking alongside people through it.
You're not the only one asking
Researchers have noticed it too. A 2023 review of studies on this topic found that adults are increasingly self-identifying as autistic, and that many run into problems when they try to get a formal assessment.
For a lot of people, the question doesn't come out of nowhere. It comes after years of feeling "different," of trying therapy for anxiety or depression without much change, or of hitting a wall of burnout that rest doesn't fix.
Why it can take until adulthood to see it
Autism doesn't look one way. The picture many of us grew up with, often a young boy who doesn't speak, leaves out a lot of people, including many women, BIPOC and Latina/o/e adults, and anyone who learned early to blend in.
Some common reasons it gets missed:
Masking. If you learned to copy others, rehearse conversations, and hide what came naturally, people may never have seen what was underneath. We wrote more about that in Masking: What It Is, What It Costs.
Other labels came first. Anxiety, depression, "too sensitive," "shy," "difficult," or "lazy" may have been the explanations you were given.
Culture and family. In many families, including a lot of Latino and immigrant families, struggles stay private and you push through. Getting evaluated may never have been an option.
Being doubted. The same review found adults often had trouble putting into words why they thought they might be autistic, feared being disbelieved, and sometimes met professionals who held narrow, stereotyped ideas about what autism looks like.
Many people who self-realize as autistic also wonder about ADHD, since the two often show up together. Our post on late-diagnosed ADHD in women covers that side.
What self-realizing can feel like
There's no one right way to feel. People often describe a mix of:
Relief. "There's a reason. I'm not broken."
Doubt. "What if I'm wrong? What if I'm just copying what I read?"
Grief or anger about years spent struggling without support, or about times you were misunderstood, punished, or hurt for being yourself.
Re-reading your whole life and seeing old memories differently.
Curiosity about who you are when you're not working so hard to fit in.
All of these make sense, and they can show up on the same day. Painful experiences don't have to be "big" to matter. Years of small moments of being corrected, left out, or told you were "too much" add up. We take those cumulative hurts seriously.
Do you need a diagnosis?
That's a personal decision, and there isn't one right answer. Some people want a formal assessment for clarity, for accommodations at work or school, or simply to know. Others find that understanding themselves through an autistic lens is what matters most, and they don't feel a need for paperwork. Some aren't sure yet.
You don't need a diagnosis to start therapy with us. If you're curious about a formal assessment, bring it up during your free consultation and we'll talk through options with you. Either way, your experience deserves to be taken seriously.
Where therapy fits
Therapy shouldn't be another place where you have to prove yourself or perform. We believe differences do not equal deficit. In a world that wasn't set up to accommodate you, it's easy to think "it's me that's the problem." Therapy can help you see your story differently. Together, we can:
Make sense of your history and piece things together at your own pace
Sort through the doubt without pushing you toward or away from any label
Understand your sensory, social, and energy needs and build a life that fits them
Address burnout, depression, and anxiety that may have grown out of years of masking. Our post on autistic burnout or depression explains how those can overlap.
Heal old hurts. For some people, EMDR therapy can help with the "Big T and small t" traumas that often come with being neurodivergent in an ableist world.
We meet you where you are, with sessions that can be adapted to what works for your brain: camera on or off, breaks when you need them, and fidgets welcome.
Learn more on our ASD & ADHD Therapy page, or meet our therapists.
You don't have to figure this out alone
We offer therapy online across Utah and Florida, and in person at our office in Salt Lake City. We have no waitlist, and ofrecemos terapia en español. Questions about cost? Our FAQs can help.
If you've made it this far, that took courage. Asking "Could this be me?" is a brave question. We'd be honored to stand alongside you while you explore the answer.
This post is for general information only and isn't a substitute for professional diagnosis or treatment. If you're in crisis or thinking about suicide, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or chat at 988lifeline.org. In an emergency, call 911.
